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The Issues
Angela from Sleepaway Camp FOR PRESIDENT 2004
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People ask me what I am going to do. Do about things. I don't say anything. I stare at them. I am waiting for them to die.

I have thought a lot. After I stopped thinking, I wrote up my own plan for the War On Terror. It is nice. The people should not be worried. I have a plan. I drew up this plan. This plan about what to do. A plan about what to do about the War on Terror, today in AMerica:


"But , Angela, where do you stand on other important issues facing our times today?"

Let me tell you. Here. A list of views. Views that I have. Or at least will have when I am President of the United States of America. Take a peak:


FUTURE PRESIDENT ANGELA SAYS: There is too much of it! Especially to foreign countries. We only have so much to give. We should be giving the people of America AIDS, not the Mexican Taliban.


PRESIDENT ANGELA: As things continue to rise, peaking out from underneath our collective skirt, getting harder and veiny, we should never hesitate to hide this inflation with a notebook. Or an ace bandage. It's what our forefathers would want us to do. My forefather, at least. He was kinky.


PRESIDENT ANGELA: If summer camps continue to close, over 300% of America's work force will be without work... force. I would make sure that all camps stay open no matter what happens. There is no killer. Keep working. Everything is fine, I would say. Go take a shower. The stink of man-funk is on you. You stink. Stink!


PRESIDENT ANGELA: Most people are ignorant about this subject. Haiti is a country, not an island!

Humanitarian Crisis in Sudan:

PRESIDENT ANGELA: Perhaps the people are hungry because they didn't want to eat the food they were being served. Perhaps they didn't want to eat it. Perhaps they like different food, from the kitchen, but did not want to have to encounter big fat chefs who are also registered sex offenders! Did anyone ever think of that? Why not? Who is to blame? The United Nations? Judy? Meg? I don't know. I don't profess to have all the answers to the world, I am just one woman, but I do know that Judy is mean. And Meg is mean. And sometimes the world is unfair. You have to be quiet. Very quiet. And then sneak up on your problems. Quietly sneak. Scamper. Scamper behind a table. This is a parable, you see. The table is Sudan's Dafur region. The person scampering is me, or even you. And Judy is the Antichrist.

The War in Iraq:

PRESIDENT ANGELA: I would have voted to give President Bush the legistlative power to invade Iraq. But not for him to actually invade Iraq. Or is it that I would have voted for him to invade Iraq, but not to have the legislative power to invade Iraq? It is very confusing. I definitely know that Saddam Hussein was justified in everything he did. But so is President Bush, and so were Joseph Stalin, and Adolph Hitler, and John F. Kennedy. They were all our leaders and we should support them. If you were leader, wouldn't you want people to support you? Do unto others an eye for an eye. Just like Jesus said. So, you see, I am for the war but against the troops. I hope they get picked off one by one. Quietly. With bees. Or motorboats. Run over by motorboats. Motorboats being driven by bombs. And archery skills. Where was I?


PRESIDENT PETE--ANGELA: I forgive Paul. We had good times. I look forward to meeting with him and other campers, and singing songs. Songs about killing them all. And then I will. Not kill them. I will kill them. I will not. I want to kill. I guess I am the biggest flip-flop of them all! [Cue wah-wah-wah sound]


Picture of smokestacks; Size=130 pixels wide

I downloaded this picture. Off the internet? Off the internet. I think. If I did download it, I thought about pollution. Pollution of the world. 
Everybody wants to know: "Angela, how come you're so fucked up?"
I tell them, "Pollution." 
Our environment is being destroyed by fathers who dress as women and then make kids dress like women, causing serious harm to me. It is enough to make you SICK. Are you sick? Sick of pollution? Teenage pollution is the main focus of my campaign for President of America in 2004. We have too many teenagers. I think that. I do. Motorboats are going very fast nowadays. They use motorboat fuel. If motorboat's ran on human blood, then the water would turn red. Red fish? Maybe. I don't know. Or bees. There are not enough bees.

A political rally; Size=240 pixels wide

This is a real picture. Of people in my campaign?
My campaign is aimed at young people.
I will not stop until young people know that I am President. Yes. And food? I will tell those "fat cats" in Washington I don't want to eat their cafeteria food. I want different food. Maybe a hamburger bun. And then those "fat cats" in Washington will have to watch out! Or will they? I don't know.
I was lying.
I don't know why I made this website. I downloaded the picture. Off Google. I don't have any friends. Maybe if I am President I will have one. Maybe not. I don't know. Do I have to know? No. Or yes. Maybe. Hello.


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